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We've been friends with a woman, who has overcome several hardships, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she has been repeatedly caught off guard by people. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was a huge shock. Several of her social circle drifted away then, as they were focused solely on her husband. This surprised her. She made greater energy to be my friend, probably realised better the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Throughout this period, many close to her vanished and she isn't certain of the reason. Her previous job became hostile, despite the fact that she was highly competent, she departed unaware of what had changed.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we've both retired so we're spending frequent meetups, however, I feel my position in our friendship feels one-sided. I start topics of conversation only for her to redirect the talk toward things she cares about. In terms of politics, she holds unyielding views. I try to suggest verifying facts and alternate views.

She is arranging a holiday to a country I know well many times and resided in previously. I tried to offer personal experiences, yet it was not welcomed. She essentially only wanted my agreement with her choices. I've just come back from 30 days in that place and she wants to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, yet I doubt she'll truly understand the effect of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Right now, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Ways Forward

One option is to walk away, yet this is rarely a smooth outcome we hope for. However, addressing it with a view to resolution takes courage and openness on both your parts.

Experts suggest applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially requires explaining how things go during your discussions. Aim for this to be as factual as possible like an unbiased account. Step two is to express her how it affects you emotionally. There should be no argument here. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. Finally is to question how the two of you going to change the pattern of your friendship."

Consider that she also has her own side, meaning you must to stay open to acknowledge it. One effective method is to say your friend:

"It's your turn to speak while I will listen without interrupting for half an hour."

This can be effective to encourage understanding.

Key Takeaways

Your friend could ignore all you say, for those who have a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative regarding their experiences they're unable to release since their identity is tied to it and it represents familiar to them. This is difficult when there seems no clear path here, just dead ends. But she may start out this way before reflecting about what you've said. And should a resolution isn't found a resolution, you'll have peace from having been truthful.